I hate this whole thing with my ex. I mean if “They” do exist aren’t they supposed to protect me & us? It feels like there is something blocking some of the protection. Like when 12 got mad at my ex for taking the picture of her sleeping. She couldn’t talk, no one could we tried and tried. No one would stand up to him, keep trying and it never works out right. No one gets through to him. The Furies would…but…maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s fear that somehow that would make things worse, because they just unleash hell. That might make my ex really mad at the things that would be said then. Then there’s the little ones and all the pain, the sometimes are so attached to him (except when the boundaries are crossed. See aren’t they supposed to be protected from that?!!! So maybe “They” don’t exist!! GRRR! Isn’t someone supposed to stand up to that. The little ones don’t understand, they know they don’t like it. It hurts them so much sometimes. Then it’s like somehow they let it go though, they forget…we all forget how bad it is.)
I’m tired of trying to explain, of trying to give him info. I’m tired of him saying he understands but he doesn’t. I can’t keep getting emotionally hurt (re traumatized) like this. It’s not good. I need to end the unhealthy relationships. If “They” do exist can’t someone just PLEASE stand up to this? PLEASE just end this?!! I know, I know it’s the right thing, but I can’t I just can’t. I don’t know how. I’m so afraid this is somehow all going to get turned around on me, he’s going to try some guilt trip or try to make me feel confused, trap me with my own words or something.
Filed under: Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD
