About Me

I am late-twenties and live somewhere in the U.S.  You can find somethings about my history here.  When I was two I knew I was different and knew I had to great lengths to hide it from everyone, including myself.   When I was around 7 or 8 I began to wonder why there seemed to be two of me (minus me as an observing person of these two).  At some point I learned that there were people out there who were multiple and thought that must come in handy but, I didn’t want to be that …they were “crazy”. The rest of my years I ran from what my insiders (and my gut instinct) were slowly trying to prepare me for.  I constantly questioned what was going on inside but usually was quick to shove it back in the closet in my mind and lock the door.  At 18 I went through something horrible and it set everything that lead to my discovery in motion.  At 23 I  started to seriously wonder about the ‘voices’ (inner thoughts) in my head and the scenes and people I sometimes saw in my head.  I wondered about the flashes of old things, the bad feelings… I had been to several therapist since age 12-13 or so but never really talked about my real thoughts.  Then in  2006  I moved away from my hometown and the flashes came back.  The most obvious flashes dealt with the incidents at 18, others weren’t clear but they were older.  I realized I needed help and that this time I could be honest about what I was experiencing.  I was safe and far away from anyone back home finding out.  In the summer of 2007 I returned home thinking I could handle it, only to find out I couldn’t. There was no more ignoring what was going on inside.  Finally I did what I had been to scared all these years to do and that was read about what DID/MPD really was.  Before I would try to convince myself that I was not multiple by believing that the Hollywood and media portrayal of DID/MPD were accurate enough and I was not that.  I could look beyond the small truths that lay there.  Now when I finally wrote out my thoughts, looked back honestly at things people had questioned me about in the past, things I had questioned, and read about DID/MPD from experts and true multiples…I realized it fit. Even though it wasn’t comfortable, it somehow was comfortable.  I had always known this, it made sense.  I felt free in some sense, my sense of identity finally felt right.

This blog (Inside Voices) is mostly written by the core person. Occasionally there maybe post by insiders to it who are feeling unsafe to be known by anything besides the core person name.  So names never get signed to this blog, it’s for all of us.  After all, that is how we have kept safe for so many years, by passing as a single.  Some insiders have their own blog.  Some are public posts, some are private, some blogs may suddenly change permissions and not be open to the public.  Some blogs are able to be viewed by friend only we are usually happy to add (esp. if your one of our fellow plural bloggers out there), if your not on the list ask!

If you have been around some of the DID and Survivor boards out there you might know me under a bunch of names: Darkness&Light , Lost&Confused , MeMySelfandWho (MeMyself&Who, MMnW) , SirensCall.  I don’t frequent boards anymore, this is pretty much my “home” to share what’s up with me.  Feel free to say “Hello” though!