When Protectors Attack

Oh, life goes crazy! I hate that feeling of this can’t be real, this can’t be my life right now. It feels like some crazy t.v. show. My mom and I got into a huge fight. I told her I needed some space, I needed to eat, I’d talk later. She kept pushing. God, I [...]

Fragments, Rough Nights, & Dreams

Update: There are our worry dolls so far. I kind of like them without the faces but dunno. Usually when doing anything with people we don’t do a face.  On these sometimes it smudges (even though it’s permanent ink, it’s hard to do that small. I might redo the Little One doll wasn’t really sure [...]

First EMDR Processing Session, “Birth” of an Other & Update

So, long time, no write. Yeah, it’s been busy for me working, planning out my life, therapy, life drama, etc.  I’m looking through my drafts box here and WHOA! There are several things I’m not sure I posted but look like I should have.  I’ll have to sort that out some other time though.  I [...]

One Single Meaningful Relationship

So, this is the video: I was sitting there watching this and trying to think of one single meaningful relationship where I really felt that the other person was right there with me.  A relationship where I felt like I was heard and understood, cared about, empathized with, etc.  I suppose I somewhat had that [...]

Eidetic Memory and Trauma

Hi all! Oh my gosh I’m posting! Yeah, I’m finally getting around to posting again for tonight anyway.  So if anyone is still checking in on this “Hi again!” Things have been so crazy, and super busy for me.  I hardly get a minute and when I do, I try to just take sometime out [...]

Off the Radar

I’m struggling pretty badly as of late. I’m being bombarded by to many new things and am not used to that anymore.  I mean I don’t know how to handle that kind of thing, maybe I didn’t the last time though either. I’m not sure when this stuff got kicked up but at one point [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Having a problem with saying the wrong thing

I almost always feel like I’m saying the wrong things in my outside life but now I realize I often find myself saying the wrong things in my inner world as well.  It makes me feel awful and I don’t know how to change it at the moment.  I’m not sure how to describe it [...]

Day of the Dead

**could trigger  Dark Alters, SI, general anger at everyone, mother shit, oh cursing possibly** Pretty sure Dth is back. So We’re shit up a creek if he really is. not sure how he got out. sorry typin one handed because well…. Pretty sure we’re dead. Yup can’t feel so gotta be dead. still bleed…it was [...]

Sponge Brain Regular Pants

I was going to say no pants since my brain doesn’t wear pants…that I’m aware of. Anyway, back from my therapy session and there is so much to say.  The problem is me though…my brain is killing me! One of the really hard parts for me is wanting to learn and my insiders wanting me [...]