When Protectors Attack

Oh, life goes crazy! I hate that feeling of this can’t be real, this can’t be my life right now. It feels like some crazy t.v. show. My mom and I got into a huge fight. I told her I needed some space, I needed to eat, I’d talk later. She kept pushing. God, I [...]

One Single Meaningful Relationship

So, this is the video: I was sitting there watching this and trying to think of one single meaningful relationship where I really felt that the other person was right there with me.  A relationship where I felt like I was heard and understood, cared about, empathized with, etc.  I suppose I somewhat had that [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Day of the Dead

**could trigger  Dark Alters, SI, general anger at everyone, mother shit, oh cursing possibly** Pretty sure Dth is back. So We’re shit up a creek if he really is. not sure how he got out. sorry typin one handed because well…. Pretty sure we’re dead. Yup can’t feel so gotta be dead. still bleed…it was [...]

Sponge Brain Regular Pants

I was going to say no pants since my brain doesn’t wear pants…that I’m aware of. Anyway, back from my therapy session and there is so much to say.  The problem is me though…my brain is killing me! One of the really hard parts for me is wanting to learn and my insiders wanting me [...]

Maybe I’m a horrible child, maybe just blowing this up.

Lots of times I wonder just what the hell I did wrong to get the response I did from my family.  Lots of times I think maybe I’m just blowing things out of proportion, lots of times I think that’s what others will say too me.  I don’t talk about things because I get the [...]

“Congratulations, you’re feeling”

Well, that was fun.  I woke up this morning thinking about everything that went on a few months ago with my mom and how my therapist was going to help me with a letter but I ended up not doing it cause I had until this morning numbed out my anger.  I don’t know if [...]

My struggles with comparison

Well, I wanted to sleep in but my allergies decided to attack me instead.  So here I am hoping this allergy medication would knock me back out again and instead I find myself dwelling on the day, getting into things I shouldn’t.  I don’t know why I do this to myself, get into things that [...]

Winner or Loser

I’m one of those survivors having a tough time with this weekend.  I suppose I’ve always been mixed up about this day but I think most of the time my feelings got blotted out/ignored.  A few years ago I started to realize how hard this Mother’s Day (Mothers) thing is for me because I have [...]

Failing to heed basic needs

* Ugh! I started this Tuesday and have been so tired I didn’t finish.  Don’t quite know why I start a post then don’t finish or feel like it’s not important so it ends up going to the draft monster! Therapy was really interesting today. Talked about a few things that have been on my [...]