When Protectors Attack

Oh, life goes crazy! I hate that feeling of this can’t be real, this can’t be my life right now. It feels like some crazy t.v. show. My mom and I got into a huge fight. I told her I needed some space, I needed to eat, I’d talk later. She kept pushing. God, I [...]

One Single Meaningful Relationship

So, this is the video: I was sitting there watching this and trying to think of one single meaningful relationship where I really felt that the other person was right there with me.  A relationship where I felt like I was heard and understood, cared about, empathized with, etc.  I suppose I somewhat had that [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Day of the Dead

**could trigger  Dark Alters, SI, general anger at everyone, mother shit, oh cursing possibly** Pretty sure Dth is back. So We’re shit up a creek if he really is. not sure how he got out. sorry typin one handed because well…. Pretty sure we’re dead. Yup can’t feel so gotta be dead. still bleed…it was [...]

Sponge Brain Regular Pants

I was going to say no pants since my brain doesn’t wear pants…that I’m aware of. Anyway, back from my therapy session and there is so much to say.  The problem is me though…my brain is killing me! One of the really hard parts for me is wanting to learn and my insiders wanting me [...]

“Congratulations, you’re feeling”

Well, that was fun.  I woke up this morning thinking about everything that went on a few months ago with my mom and how my therapist was going to help me with a letter but I ended up not doing it cause I had until this morning numbed out my anger.  I don’t know if [...]

My struggles with comparison

Well, I wanted to sleep in but my allergies decided to attack me instead.  So here I am hoping this allergy medication would knock me back out again and instead I find myself dwelling on the day, getting into things I shouldn’t.  I don’t know why I do this to myself, get into things that [...]

Failing to heed basic needs

* Ugh! I started this Tuesday and have been so tired I didn’t finish.  Don’t quite know why I start a post then don’t finish or feel like it’s not important so it ends up going to the draft monster! Therapy was really interesting today. Talked about a few things that have been on my [...]

Getting into the Meat

This week I had my appointment on Monday which ended up really great, I needed the day to chill. Just started out with saying that things have gone back to usual for the most part with my mom and I.  We aren’t really talking but I’m less angry.  I still feel like I’m walking on [...]

Picking up from last night

Here is the link to the article about stressful pregnancy and Fibromyalgia. So there’s that part of it. Then there is the whole part my last therapist was trying to get me to see. It’s only really clicking in now. It made sense before, I just couldn’t grasp that it applied to me though. I [...]