When Protectors Attack

Oh, life goes crazy! I hate that feeling of this can’t be real, this can’t be my life right now. It feels like some crazy t.v. show. My mom and I got into a huge fight. I told her I needed some space, I needed to eat, I’d talk later. She kept pushing. God, I [...]

Fragments, Rough Nights, & Dreams

Update: There are our worry dolls so far. I kind of like them without the faces but dunno. Usually when doing anything with people we don’t do a face.  On these sometimes it smudges (even though it’s permanent ink, it’s hard to do that small. I might redo the Little One doll wasn’t really sure [...]

First EMDR Processing Session, “Birth” of an Other & Update

So, long time, no write. Yeah, it’s been busy for me working, planning out my life, therapy, life drama, etc.  I’m looking through my drafts box here and WHOA! There are several things I’m not sure I posted but look like I should have.  I’ll have to sort that out some other time though.  I [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Layers Upon Layers of Onion

I’ve mentioned to a lot of people that I’m super curious about how other multiple systems work. It’s just so fascinating to me how we can be so different from one another and often so similar having never met, having never talked to a soul about our world until we got into therapy or met [...]

Apparently Normal People

So, things are…meh.  Don’t feel like talking.  I am at the moment just kind of forcing myself to type this, not really sure why other than to say…I’m still here.  Plus I said I would say something about this new map I’m working on. Well, maybe I’ll throw in a few other things.  Funny I [...]

Sponge Brain Regular Pants

I was going to say no pants since my brain doesn’t wear pants…that I’m aware of. Anyway, back from my therapy session and there is so much to say.  The problem is me though…my brain is killing me! One of the really hard parts for me is wanting to learn and my insiders wanting me [...]

Little bit more EMDR

Well someone else asked about this and I know I meant to update my own experiences so I thought I’d try again using the explanation I  gave this person as a jumping off point.  Here is what I said with a few tweaks thrown in to explain how DID fits in there (I was explaining [...]

Long day, long night

I should sleep. Been going to bed late for the past few nights. I just am feeling all screwed up body clockwise/bodywise in general tonight. I did some more EMDR today er…yesterday now. Strengthening some system connections so, it was pretty much after that that things felt screwy.  Not necessarily in a bad way just [...]

Can I trade in my mother?

I’m having a difficult moment.  The day has been really rough. This is really the most present day I’ve had since last Tuesday and right now I’m trying to just find that little hiding niche right now because I’m just so exhausted from today.  The last few minutes have been really difficult due to mom [...]