Post on hold

Won’t get to that post today. Having a rough day. Not sure when I’ll get to finishing it up. Went off to my appointment today and while I was looking both ways before crossing the street I thought I saw my grandma (a.k.a grammy – mom’s mom). Which is kinda dumb she’s been dead 17 [...]

First EMDR Processing Session, “Birth” of an Other & Update

So, long time, no write. Yeah, it’s been busy for me working, planning out my life, therapy, life drama, etc.  I’m looking through my drafts box here and WHOA! There are several things I’m not sure I posted but look like I should have.  I’ll have to sort that out some other time though.  I [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Murphy’s law again

Just when everything seemed to get done the dreaded blackouts strike. So here I am behind on a ton of things and I don’t have the energy or motivation to do it.  Bottom of the cycle again. I need to keep up with my paper journal better maybe that would help with some of the [...]

Feeling a Little Run Down

Just popping in to update somethings real fast. Added some more links. 2 was all I was up for, sorry. Updated my About Me slightly. Got hit with a third trauma nightmare last Tues morning. Was the worst one yet. Talking about it in therapy was weird. Got my medical tests over with yesterday afternoon.  [...]

Trauma Nightmares

I’ve been sleeping like the dead ever since last Friday’s vertigo episode.   I’ve been dreaming like crazy too!  I don’t know why but I tend to go on more episodes of dreaming living here than anywhere else.  I used to dream like crazy when I was a little kid, nightmares galore lots of times too.  [...]

My struggles with comparison

Well, I wanted to sleep in but my allergies decided to attack me instead.  So here I am hoping this allergy medication would knock me back out again and instead I find myself dwelling on the day, getting into things I shouldn’t.  I don’t know why I do this to myself, get into things that [...]

Another Tuesday

I’ve been back from my appointment for several hours now and I’m just dead.  Feels, once again, like there are so many things from the last few weeks I wanted to say but they always end up getting pushed back for something more urgent.  I had a few things I wanted to talk to my [...]

April showers bring May flowers

Does that include mentally as well as weather wise? I’ve gotten through another March which was hellish but now it feels like there is this big emotional purge of all the things I was holding in about March.  It’s like my brain goes ok, couldn’t think about that then so let’s figure it out now.  [...]

Here am I

Feeling a little better but not completely sure if all of this is over or not.  I’m hoping I actually post this and it doesn’t wind up in my draft box like so many posts.  I’m really not sure where I wanted to start on this one except maybe to say what a rough day [...]