When Protectors Attack

Oh, life goes crazy! I hate that feeling of this can’t be real, this can’t be my life right now. It feels like some crazy t.v. show. My mom and I got into a huge fight. I told her I needed some space, I needed to eat, I’d talk later. She kept pushing. God, I [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Fear and Privacy

Slightly nervous that a certain phone call came into the house and a message was maybe left about a certain medical study I applied to.  I don’t think they would have left details but I’m feeling really scared maybe they did.  All I know is my mom said there was a message on the machine [...]

Winner or Loser

I’m one of those survivors having a tough time with this weekend.  I suppose I’ve always been mixed up about this day but I think most of the time my feelings got blotted out/ignored.  A few years ago I started to realize how hard this Mother’s Day (Mothers) thing is for me because I have [...]

27 years of anger

Holy…I was reading through some old post/comments wow I cannot spell for sh!t! haha! Anyway, I never did that post on guilt did I? I can’t remember very well the last time I posted, seems like I always have something I want to post and then I get ‘distracted’.  I got distracted on the way [...]

Relationships: Men vs. Women

I woke up thinking about this subject for some reason but can’t remember what started it.  I was just aware I was thinking about how I’m so much closer to men than I am to women.  I don’t freak out if a guy wants to give me a hug but I spend so much time [...]

Getting into the Meat

This week I had my appointment on Monday which ended up really great, I needed the day to chill. Just started out with saying that things have gone back to usual for the most part with my mom and I.  We aren’t really talking but I’m less angry.  I still feel like I’m walking on [...]

Aftermath

I have all this stuff swirling around in my head (was struck down by what might be an inner ear virus causing extreme vertigo but that’s not the swirling ) today.  I thought maybe it was done swirling after I sorted out some feelings that popped up during a slight panic attack but, now I’m [...]

Hope it’s not a pink cloud

I just got back from my new therapist…and…I really think this could be it.  She was really nice and ok, I know this sounds maybe wierd but she has STUFF in her office!! lol! No that was the one thing that creeped me out a bit about my last therapist was there was literally nothing [...]

Updates again

Ugh, I finally finished that LiveJournal post.  It’s here or the side link over there (Into the Darkness). I think I got kind of rambling on it, as usual ha! Feeling like I’m zoning in and out and I’m really not liking this feeling.  Been a while I think since it’s been this intense of  [...]