Off the Radar

I’m struggling pretty badly as of late. I’m being bombarded by to many new things and am not used to that anymore.  I mean I don’t know how to handle that kind of thing, maybe I didn’t the last time though either. I’m not sure when this stuff got kicked up but at one point [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Trauma Nightmares

I’ve been sleeping like the dead ever since last Friday’s vertigo episode.   I’ve been dreaming like crazy too!  I don’t know why but I tend to go on more episodes of dreaming living here than anywhere else.  I used to dream like crazy when I was a little kid, nightmares galore lots of times too.  [...]

Failing to heed basic needs

* Ugh! I started this Tuesday and have been so tired I didn’t finish.  Don’t quite know why I start a post then don’t finish or feel like it’s not important so it ends up going to the draft monster! Therapy was really interesting today. Talked about a few things that have been on my [...]

Another Tuesday

I’ve been back from my appointment for several hours now and I’m just dead.  Feels, once again, like there are so many things from the last few weeks I wanted to say but they always end up getting pushed back for something more urgent.  I had a few things I wanted to talk to my [...]

27 years of anger

Holy…I was reading through some old post/comments wow I cannot spell for sh!t! haha! Anyway, I never did that post on guilt did I? I can’t remember very well the last time I posted, seems like I always have something I want to post and then I get ‘distracted’.  I got distracted on the way [...]

Getting into the Meat

This week I had my appointment on Monday which ended up really great, I needed the day to chill. Just started out with saying that things have gone back to usual for the most part with my mom and I.  We aren’t really talking but I’m less angry.  I still feel like I’m walking on [...]

Security Blankets

I wrote a post over on my LiveJournal Blog (link on left panel: Into the Darkness), not sure why now I put it over there lol.  Anyway, it was on trauma as a security blanket.  Sounds weird maybe but I realize that sometimes I’m really afriad of what healing might mean, fear of the unknown.  [...]

Hope it’s not a pink cloud

I just got back from my new therapist…and…I really think this could be it.  She was really nice and ok, I know this sounds maybe wierd but she has STUFF in her office!! lol! No that was the one thing that creeped me out a bit about my last therapist was there was literally nothing [...]

Rescuers

I’ve been thinking about this for quite sometime, I’m not even sure how long or how it started really.  I guess I had been thinking about people, wondered why I thought about them so much. Then I started reading up on Complex PTSD and realized that it made sense.  It’s been hard for me to [...]