First EMDR Processing Session, “Birth” of an Other & Update

So, long time, no write. Yeah, it’s been busy for me working, planning out my life, therapy, life drama, etc.  I’m looking through my drafts box here and WHOA! There are several things I’m not sure I posted but look like I should have.  I’ll have to sort that out some other time though.  I [...]

Eidetic Memory and Trauma

Hi all! Oh my gosh I’m posting! Yeah, I’m finally getting around to posting again for tonight anyway.  So if anyone is still checking in on this “Hi again!” Things have been so crazy, and super busy for me.  I hardly get a minute and when I do, I try to just take sometime out [...]

Hello, again!

That was a creative title. Anyway, I’ve been without a computer for all this time! My laptop was giving out somewhere around that last post and then shortly after that I guess it just totally went to hell. Didn’t seem like it was worth it to try and fix, 3 yrs old figure more was [...]

Where I went “wrong”

I think I figured it out today, where I went “wrong” (see the clip).  The one “wrong” thing I did. I trusted. I think I’m slowly learning to live with that. It feels so horribly slow though sometimes, I get so frustrated with my trust issues. It hurts and it’s scary but slowly I’m learning [...]

Having a problem with saying the wrong thing

I almost always feel like I’m saying the wrong things in my outside life but now I realize I often find myself saying the wrong things in my inner world as well.  It makes me feel awful and I don’t know how to change it at the moment.  I’m not sure how to describe it [...]

The Ripple Effect

Man, dunno really what’s going on as of late. Been quiet. Not in my head so much (although 2 or more days in a row I had that scary blank mind feeling when no one is around), just I’m not talking to people much, not posting much anywhere, not goofing off (Little Parts), not reading, [...]

Apparently Normal People

So, things are…meh.  Don’t feel like talking.  I am at the moment just kind of forcing myself to type this, not really sure why other than to say…I’m still here.  Plus I said I would say something about this new map I’m working on. Well, maybe I’ll throw in a few other things.  Funny I [...]

Little bit more EMDR

Well someone else asked about this and I know I meant to update my own experiences so I thought I’d try again using the explanation I  gave this person as a jumping off point.  Here is what I said with a few tweaks thrown in to explain how DID fits in there (I was explaining [...]

Long day, long night

I should sleep. Been going to bed late for the past few nights. I just am feeling all screwed up body clockwise/bodywise in general tonight. I did some more EMDR today er…yesterday now. Strengthening some system connections so, it was pretty much after that that things felt screwy.  Not necessarily in a bad way just [...]

Can I trade in my mother?

I’m having a difficult moment.  The day has been really rough. This is really the most present day I’ve had since last Tuesday and right now I’m trying to just find that little hiding niche right now because I’m just so exhausted from today.  The last few minutes have been really difficult due to mom [...]