I’ve finally got WordPress setup on my new tablet again and a nice me keyboard to go with it, hopefully that helps me keep up when the mood strikes to write. I’ve mentioned that things have been really crazy, and not in the D.I.D. sort out way. Well, after this week I should have a better idea what that really means for me.
My life has always been crazy aside from the PTSD and D.I.D. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that I have more than my share of medical problems. I might have mentioned my fibromyalgia diagnosis but I can’t remember. Over a year ago, I may have mentioned this too, I injured myself. I didn’t have insurance so I had to do what I could on my own to get better. Well, things are better…and they are worse.
This Winter is being awful on me; I’m thankful today is sunny and seems like I can imagine it will be Spring again. Last Winter was horrible too with my injury spiralling me into a really bad depression where there ended up being some miscommunication with my therapist and essentially I was told she’d no longer see me. It was strange. This Winter I’ve been scraping by on my own as I have no energy to go looking for a new therapist; dumping out my story, testing to see if they are safe for the Others. It’s hard but I’m ok, I manage…
Over the holiday I lost touch with my “long time on again off again friend with benefits” who as of over a year ago has become my actual “massively serious about other in it for long term” partner. We’ve had to be apart much of the time we’ve been officially a couple. So that was bad. Alone again and with a pile of stuff I wasn’t handling well. Once the holidays were over we talked it out, I made sure he knew how that had felt to me. It’s been better, he’s been there for me, he’s promised not to let things get like that again.
So this week I have the big doctor’s appointment. I think I’ve managed to figure out that I should have been looked at for a certain disorder and I’m going to finally get it checked out. I’m pretty certain they will confirm it for me and I feel like that will help answer a lot these lingering questions about health issues. There are a lot of mixed feelings, I was born with this, I can pass it on I have children, there’s no cure only management – I’m even sure what means for me right now or into the future. At least I will know the possibilities of what might (or might not) happen, what I’m at risk for, so that makes things a little less scary some ways. Hopefully I can then find the right care and be a little more prepared. And at least now I can fight a little more (or less I suppose) when doc’s want to dismiss me, say there’s nothing wrong with me, etc. It’s not something that’s going to kill me (though they may some digging me just be 100% sure I’m not dealing with something else). It’s been a long, long journey to this and that’s a bit sad to me too. Too many feelings to mention really and some I’m maybe not even aware of yet.
I’m both anxious and excited. I will update again once the dust from the appointment settles and I have a good idea what’s next for me. It might be early next month though since I also have a regular doctor appointment which might tack on some more follow up.
I need to go lie down for a bit. I’m sitting in a not too comfortable spot and this took longer than I expected. I guess I had more to say and get off my chest than I thought.