My Mental Vacation

I’m having a pretty nice break at the moment from just about everything.  My therapist says I’m in the rest stage of living with trauma, or something like that.  It’s frustrating sometimes because I am so not in touch with certain feelings.  I mean don’t get me wrong it’s nice to be happy and content etc. but there is this background feeling of “Who cares!” that gets rather annoying.  I can’t seem to get angry, frustrated, or sad (although I did get sad in my last therapy session, even cried).  It’s a weird experience because there are events that happen through out the day were I know I would normally feel a certain emotion but I don’t feel that at all.  It’s like I say to myself “that makes me mad” but at the same time I’m totally numb, I don’t actually feel mad.  I keep thinking of that episode of “Scrubs” where JD is dating that chick who constantly says “That’s so funny.” but never actually laughs or show much emotion to that effect.  Just the other day I fell from the last step of a short stairway and bashed both knees into the adjacent doorway and all I did was say “Ow. That hurt.”  I twisted one knee that was already bad to start with, and scraped a good hunk of skin off the other knee.  I kept thinking of how weird it was that I wasn’t and didn’t scream or yell and that I wasn’t crying, somewhere in my head I knew that I was in more pain than I was feeling.  I don’t know if that’s my Fibro pain threshold or the dissociation (or both!).  It happens a lot that if I injure myself it doesn’t hurt (except paper cuts, holy crap! What’s up with those!), people are always kind of shocked that I don’t react more to the injuries I’ve had.

So frustrated but good.

I added a couple new site links because I get so many people looking for info on hearing voices.  The links I added are to a international group that covers the subject from a number of different angles as well as a link to the U.S. group (though if you look on the international site you’ll find links to branches in other countries).  I’m not a member of the group, I’ve just on occasion looked through the international site and found it interesting.  I like that they have this goal of not just trying to unite people so they are not alone but also to reassure people they aren’t nutso! People hear voices for any number of reasons and it’s not always a sign of some major mental illness.  I know a bi-polar person who hears voices, I know people who hear voices when they get stressed, or have lost some one close, lots of little kids I think probably do, people who meditate a lot (look at medicine men), people who are religious sometimes say they hear the voice of God. Check it out, you’re not alone if your experiencing voices.

That’s about it for now.