Having a problem with saying the wrong thing

I almost always feel like I’m saying the wrong things in my outside life but now I realize I often find myself saying the wrong things in my inner world as well.  It makes me feel awful and I don’t know how to change it at the moment.  I’m not sure how to describe it except to give an outside life example of the a similar situation:

Have you ever had one of those moments with a friend where they are really down depressed and emo because say they broke up with someone, their cat is sick, they messed up at work….I don’t know.  Anyhow, no matter what you do or what you say they just keep beating themselves up.  Outwardly though you pat them on the back and say they are a great person with lots to offer blah blah blah but after awhile you inwardly start thinking “Good God, you are getting so annoying with this ‘I suck’ BS! Shut the F*ck up already!”.

Well, obviously that’s a real problem with DID and the friend is instead an internal part.  I don’t really get my own private thoughts and I end up hurting that part of me even more.  I think in the past I’ve sometimes been able to be more tactful etc, etc all that good stuff and say something better than “I understand your hurting but shut the hell up about it already”.  Right now though I guess I’m just not having one of those moments.  So there ends up being this long session of massive apologies and well…I think maybe I’m getting the silent treatment or something.  Totally deserved, I think I probably lost some trust with those parts too.  Sucks.  Things had been going pretty well, certain part that had “runaway” came back and WAY TO GO ME! I totally f*cked that up.

I’m just not good at being nice/good to “me” yet.  I keep stumbling along.  I think my fear is though that somehow they might “leave” me for good (wall me back out maybe).  *sigh* I dunno, I gotta take a break from this one…

I’m sorry random post

I have to get this off my chest.  I’ve been holding onto this too long and I still can’t stop laughing or wondering about it.

Everyone in my immediate family talks to them self (selves ?) EXCEPT my dad.

I have caught my mother, I’ve caught my brother, and when she was still alive, my grandmother.  All of them, full out conversations! My mom is the most animated with her facial expressions, sometimes even gesturing.  I have “confronted” (not in a mean way) her and usually she says something like “Oh geez! Was I?!”.  I didn’t notice really until a few years ago when I started in this discovery about myself(selves) that my family members did this same thing I did.  Watching them I think back and say “Crap! Is that what I looked like the time so and so caught me?! Geez, I must have looked like a complete loony!”

Ahh, my dad the Narcissist…I have never caught him.  Leaves me curious if anyone has ever caught a Narcissist talking to their self.  Do Psychopaths?  (God, why am I so curious about the weirdest things haha!)

(I have caught completely “normal” people doing this too of course it’s just in the context of my family…I sometimes wonder if it’s something more with them too.)